so i feel as if i am drifting away from everyone...i used to have all of these great friends...and now i feel as if i have none...i feel like i am detaching myself from everyone i used to care deeply about and reconnect myself with others... the new people thing isnt so bad...but disconnecting is...i find...that with me...i find myself caring for others so much that i get scared...scared that something bad will happen and i will ruin a great friendship...and since i detach myself in fear of caring too much i end up ruining it anyways...but pretty much thats what has happened to me my whole life...very few have stuck by me in my moments of fear...and those people are the ones who mean the world to me...those are the ones whom i know that i could never do anything serious enough to mess up...those are the ones who i know i will be friends with forever...those are the friendships that wont die after highschool...those friends are the ones i will still keep in contact with 60 years from now because even then i will still be telling them my problems and letting them help me...those are the friends that i will be forever grateful for... i wish that i could learn how to handle more friendships than i know how to...but then again...not many people can handle alot of complicated friendships...for me...idk...im guessing i find it even harder because i have so many amazing senior friends...and i am devasted that they will be gone next year...i dont know...it saddens me that they wont be here for me next year...its kind of like a moment of..."damn...what am i going to do next...these kids here are pretty much all i have"...but then...i do remember that i have those great friends that arent seniors...and they will also be there for me...and im not saying that those seniors still wont be there for me when they are gone...its just that their presence wont be there any longer...and i think that is what i am going to miss the most as for those who i know are ALWAYS going to be there for me...well...i have to say to you...you are all amazing...even though i am stable and the one to help others a majority of the time...you are the ones that realize that even i need a shoulder to lay my head on...you are the ones who always have an extra ear for me...you listen to my complaints, my fears, my hopes and dreams and i dont have to worry about you laughing at me...i i dont really know WHAT the point of this was...it was just bottled up inside for a long time...and now its out i guess...lol i just wanted to say to those who have remained my friends even when i acted stupid...you all mean the world to me ash ps...to those who have lost me in THEIR transition to begin a new life...i am sorry...it may not even be my fault...but i just wanted YOU to know...that even though my mind can be all tangled at moments...i am stable and i am a good friend...so i am just sorry you dont get to experience that anymore... pps...sorry if none of this made sense... | 
